Joke of the day....

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard.
"I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

Joke of the day....

Dear Diary....

My husband has not been happy with my mood swings lately, so the other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his left cheek. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Sincerely,

Bitchy!

Joke of the day....

The owner of a chemist walks in to find a bloke leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.

The owner asks the assistant, "What's with that bloke over there by the wall?"

The assistant says, "Well, he came in here at 7am to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The assistant says, "Oh yeah? Look at him - he's afraid to cough!"

Joke for you...

No offense meant or to be taken by anyone reading this (especially if your name is Mick or Paddy or if you're Irish!)

Mick and Paddy reading headstones in a churchyard.

Mick says "Paddy! There's a bloke here who was 152 when he died!"

Paddy says "What was his name?"

Mick says.... "Miles from London!"



I will try to do a daily funny for you.